The Ultimate Coach

Got your Bibles? Like you turned me to the book of Psalms 127. I don’t know about you, but I remember when Beth and I first got married, 1977, and young, you know, and the first thing that the Lord did was send us to Germany. And so we’re brand new, we’re new. In fact, we’ve been—ah, I was married a month, and I had to go to Germany. I had to go by myself, and then she came over about four months later. She came over. We’ve been separated before we got married. I was in El Paso at Fort Bliss going through the officer basic course and learning about the missile that I was, you know, the site that I was going to be on, and that missile, and other things about leadership and all those things. So within about an 11-month period, we were separated about nine, and then we got married, and a month later I was—and then she came over.

We were in Germany. I’ll never forget, we were at a little site, and we had about 40 guys and their families, and a lot of them were young like us, and so they had kids. Now we didn’t have any kids, and so you can imagine what the talk we don’t want when you got a bunch of little ones. What do you talk about? Talk about little kids, and you talk about what their stomachs are like, and you know what’s coming out of them from every end, and you’re talking about what it’s like, and you’re kind of—and Beth and I looking at each other like, “Can we talk about some mature, grown-up stuff?” I mean, we don’t have kids, so we’re not really kind of interested in that. But they were—they were always talking, comparing, and all those kind of things, and health, and you know, little kids just seem to be always sick. And I’ll never forget that we had one when we had April, you know, we talked about, yeah, stomach issues and everything that’s coming out from every end, and doctors, and all that, yeah, because that’s what you do. Having kids changes your life. I’m sure that you know—you know Bailey now, and you know, and Mikey, I’m thinking they’re, you know, their babies, what, three months, a little over three, three, four months old, and they’re thinking, how did—what was life ever before this? It just—kids just take over.

In our passage today, God addresses some of that. So if you’ll stand with me for the reading of God’s word, this is Psalms 127, verse 3 and 4, and then we’ll look at Proverbs 22:6. “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows”—this is interesting—“like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” And then Proverbs 22:6, you probably already know: “Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it.” Please be seated. Thank you for standing for God’s word.

Children, and I just want to talk about how today is just an important day, especially for dads. It’s amazing why Dad—I think tries to make the dad, the father, the head of the family. Let me just give you some—this is, if you think this is just stuff that comes from a Christian organization, it’s not. Actually, it comes from the U.S. Census Bureau. There are an estimated 72.2 million fathers in the United States, but 33% of all children live in a home without their birth father. That’s one out of every three. 72% of Americans think that an absent father in the household is the most important problem facing American families. In 1960, only 9.1% of children were living with a single parent. By 2012, it had risen to 21% of all children. So we’re double the percentage of children without a father. The United States, it’s 43%. 90% of runaway and homeless children are from fatherless homes. The percentage of a rapist with raids that comes from a fatherless home is 80%. 70% of minors housed in state facilities are from fatherless homes. 39% of inmates housed in jails are from homes with an absent father. Children without a father more likely to show disciplinary issues. 71% of all high school dropouts, fatherless homes. If a child has a father in a home, they are 40% less likely to repeat grade school. Teenage repeat offenders in arson is nine percent more likely to be from An absent father. The percentage of minors in prison who grew up without a father is 85 percent. Kids with fathers who are involved in their lives are more likely to do better in school than kids that don’t. Preschoolers with an involved father figure develop better verbal skills. Girls are more likely to have children as a teenager if they grow up without a father. Kids experience fewer behavioral issues in school when a father figure is absent. Girls develop stronger math skills when they have a dad. Boys get better grades in school with a father figure active in their life. And then there’s just the stuff that would make sense. The percentage of teenagers in substance abuse treatment facilities that come from a father’s home: 75 percent. 63 percent of youth suicides are from homes without a dad. 85 percent of children with behavioral disorders [are] without a dad. Teenage girls with a father [are] seven times [less] to become more pregnant as a teenager.

And I’m not trying to say bring shame on dads and shame on men. Here’s what I’m saying: you’re that important. You are that important. Because here’s the deal: 85 percent of fathers consider being a dad the best job in the world. I mean, 90 percent of the dads out there really enjoy being a dad. It’s the most exciting thing in their lives. 73 percent said didn’t even think their life began till they had a kid. 62 percent of dads are hungry for more info on how they can become better dads. So what that tells me is this: it’s that important. And if it brings that much joy in your life, don’t you think you ought to just, you know, say, okay, how can I grab a hold of this thing?

And the Lord reminds us in this psalm that children are a gift from God. I mean, that’s what He says. Look at some of the words in Psalm 127: “Behold, children are a gift; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” What a reward! I think this is interesting: “like arrows in the hand of a warrior.” God, as our coach, is teaching us how to be a coach.

In my own personal life, my real dad was gone most of my life. My mom and dad were divorced when I was four years old, and so he would come back. I’d see him on birthdays and Christmas, for me and my sister. My stepdad was gone a lot. He just happened to be in the Navy. My real dad was Army, my stepdad was Navy, and you know what the Navy’s like—you know, six months out he was in the Med. Seemed like my whole life, and missed a lot of birthdays and Christmas. But now I understand that was just part of his job. But I’m telling you, when we do have a chance to be involved in our kids’ life, we need to take advantage of that and be their coach. And as God’s coaches, God takes much of the burden away from us if we do it God’s way.

And I had three things that I just kind of came up with. God will take care of three things just right off the bat: He takes care of the recruiting, He takes care of the results, He will take care of our reputation.

Now why is being a dad or that word just so important in Scripture? You know, when Jesus taught, He taught about God. He kind of referred to Him and did a lot of things with Him. He talked about Him being, you know, the Lord and all-powerful, omniscient. He talked about a lot, you know, He talked about what He was like and the majesty, and I’m sure He did all those kind of things. But you know what? Jesus knew more about God than anybody else, and the more thing that He talked about as far as relation to God, He talked more about Him being our Father than anything else He ever talked about. 189 times in the four Gospels alone, Jesus refers to Him as Father.

I mean, when you pray, you know, the disciples say, “Okay, how do we pray, Lord? Lord, teach us to pray like You pray.” You remember in Matthew 6 what He says: “Our Father who art in heaven.” It’s interesting, isn’t it, “Our Father”? When Jesus talks about Him, He says, “When you’ve seen Me, you’ve seen the Father.” So do you think being a father is Important, absolutely. I mean, before Jesus ever walked on the water, He knew who the Father was. Before He ever did a miracle, He knew who the Father was. When He was 12 years old, and He’s in Jerusalem, and He’s with the Pharisees, and He’s with the leadership, and He’s there, and they remember they had to come back for Him. Do you remember what He said? “I’m about my Father’s business.” So do you think a father is important to the Lord? Absolutely. And He recruits for us. I mean, He says here, “Behold, children are what?” They’re a gift. They’re gifts from God. I mean, how neat is that, huh? See, when we get the relationship with our heavenly Father right, we can get it right with being the earthly father.

My little brother, he said this when he had his first child. He said, “I want my kids to know two things. I want them to know that their biological daddy loves them, but I also want them to know that their heavenly daddy loves them.” You get that right, guys. Makes all the difference in the world. But I want to tell you something. The enemy will do everything he can to destroy that. And he is doing that as we speak. He is destroying the home. He is destroying the family. He is destroying everything he can. I mean, when you see guys, I mean, how are dads usually represented on television? You know, they’re messing up. They’re jokesters. They’re, you know, I mean, you go back to Father Knows Best and those fifties and sixties, you know, what was dad? Dad was the provider. He’s the one that took care. He was responsible. He’s the one that the teenage boy went and talked to when he had an issue. Not anymore. All that’s changed.

Satan’s after us, but God, we ain’t got to worry about recruiting. You ain’t got to worry about the results. You don’t have to worry about your own reputation. It’s like I was sharing with the kids. You know, I don’t remember everything about my life. I don’t remember everything about my times with my dads, but I’ll tell you what, there are times I do remember because life is a series of certain moments. And so my question with you, even as mom or dad, grandmom or grandpa, as parents and grandparents, what are the moments like with your kids and your grandkids? We don’t remember that. We remember little snippets of life. What are the moments going to be like that they remember about you? But if we go in and understand that they are gifts from God, the fruit of the womb is a reward. I mean, how important is that? I mean, the word gift in the Hebrew is special. It’s shared with a Hebrew passion. It’s like property that is shared. And we need to understand this. Our kids don’t really belong to us. God gives them. He gives them as a gift. He shares them with us from above. That’s why they’re a gift.

A reward? Well, reward is something that’s given as tangible proof of appreciation. You did something right. Someone said this, the fruit of the womb is God’s personal trophy of His love, His choice reward. How neat is that? How about the arrow? What does that mean? Well, I’m thinking this, if I’m a warrior, I don’t really want to worry about what’s back here in the quiver. Do you? My arrows are there. But what do I do with those arrows? I take those arrows. I shoot those arrows. I give direction to those arrows. Those arrows have a purpose. He says here, like arrows in the hand of a warrior, or children in one’s youth. God’s looking for us to give them direction. It goes toward a target. A parent is responsible for directing his kids. A child is incapable of directing. In fact, if you go back to Proverbs 22, not six, where it says train up a child and away she’ll go, but go to 22:15. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.” Of course, it says the rod of discipline will move it far from him. I want to tell you something. There’s something about a kid knowing, why would my parents put me at risk? Why would they not care about where I go, who I’m with? I’m telling you, your teenagers and your kids may look at you one day and go, “I don’t need a helicopter dad. I don’t need a helicopter mom. Let me just be me. I’m grown up. Bible says foolishness is at their heart. They just don’t have the life experience. They haven’t had time to develop the love of God, hopefully, that you have. And so they’re going to be in rebellion. I understand some of that. But understand this. It is important that they know. Sometimes it’s good to have you to blame something on. Maybe they know that’s going to be dangerous or a friend’s going to take them to a place they don’t really want to go, but they need someone to blame it on. Who else? Who better than to sit there and say, my mom and daddy won’t let me go? Kids know when they’re at risk. And if they have someone, they may not agree with you, but if they can have you so that they know within their own hearts where they don’t need to go. That’s what parents are for. Do we want to be their friends a little bit? Absolutely. But your parents first.

Came across with this. Six types of dads. There’s the absent dad. Everybody knows who that is. He’s just never around. There’s the abusive dad. Never encourages. He puts down. He can be verbal. He can be physical. He can do all those things. There’s the performance-based dad. You ever known those guys? You need to start doing around this house. You need to start doing for me. You need to. This is all about what you do. If you do this, I will love you. Aren’t you glad we don’t have a heavenly father that’s like that, who loves us unconditionally? That while we were yet sinners, He dies for us? A passive dad. He doesn’t really do anything. He’s kind of in the house, but he really doesn’t do much. Goes to work, does his thing, comes home. Just not really involved. The antagonistic dad. This is an interesting one. This is the dad that sits there and what he does is he’s always almost in competition with you. I want dad competition with me. I want dad to be my dad. Then there’s the empowering dad who says, let me show you the way. Let me walk with you in this way. There were times in my life, I know when April was small, that we’d come to a street corner and she would just cross. You know, you always try to treat you get fed. Don’t play in the street. And she wants to cross the street, but then she looks and she holds out her hand. Grab her hand and you take her across the street. That’s what Jesus does for us. And that’s what we’re to do for our kids. Not just while they’re young, but even when they’re old.

See, God is not the reflection of your earthly dad. He is the perfection of your earthly dad. He is not the bigger version of your dad. He is the perfect version of your dad. That’s who God is. See, the only way that you’re going to be what God wants you to be is to get to know Him. In Proverbs 22:6, where it says, train up a child in the way they should go. And even when he is old, he will not depart from it. That word train is in, you know, this is, that’s the only time in the Hebrew that that word is used in this kind of context. I mean, it’s almost like not just train them up, but it’s almost like used in relation to dedicating the temple. When April was young, one thing we want to do is, God, she’s yours. Train up a child. Dedicate that child in the way they should go. Spend time. Now, how do you do it? The way they should go. What does that mean? Well, it’s kind of where they’re bent. And a lot of that is, a lot of that is spiritual. We want them to know spiritual things. But the other thing is this. Not everybody’s meant to go and wonder. Some kids are meant to be musicians. Some kids are meant to be athletes. Some kids are going to be good at business. Some kids are not college bound there, but they can work with their hands and they can be smart. Some kids are meant to be mechanics. Whatever they’re meant to be, we’re to train them in the way that they are bent to go. But we’re to do that also with a spiritual nature. But the only way you get that happens is if you get to know them. You got to spend time with them. And I want to tell you, time is a valuable commodity. Time is worth more than currency. It’s the current currency of this generation. You’ve got to spend time with them. See, part of a father’s job is to discern our children’s what? Three things I came up with: passions, personality, and potential. They’re going to be excited. We need to help find out what they’re excited about. Kind of gets them clicking. We need to find out how their personality, some are extroverts, some are introverts. That’s okay. God makes us all different, but we need to find out where they are and develop that and their potential. God’s got things He wants these kids to do.

We’re growing up in what they call the fatherless generation. There’s a thing in our culture now called knowns. Do you know what that is? Or nuns. Do you know what that’s called? That’s N-O-N-E-S. And there’s an explosive growth of that. What a religious nun is, is this. They’re not into any kind of religion, any kind of faith, any kind of denomination, anything spiritual. And there are more today than it has ever been before in any kind of society. And they’re kind of figuring, how did that happen? And it’s just multiplying. And it starts in the home. It’s knowing them.

You know, recently, you know, Beth and I went to the Cove. And it’s a Billy Graham training center just outside of Asheville, North Carolina. It’s nothing there but pastors and their wives. In a place, there was about 300 of us. So that’s about 150 pastors. And I’ll never forget Pastor Jim Cimbala from Brooklyn Tabernacle Church in New York asked us, he said, how many of you are having issues with your kids? I want to tell you, I was shocked at how many stood up. Now, these are religious leaders. These are pastors. These are, you know, men of all ages. And you would think, if anybody had their act together, it would be us. But I want to share something with you. Just because you raise your child up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord does not mean they will stay there. And I can think some of the great, Cimbala talks about a daughter he had a major problem with. David Jeremiah talks about one of his sons. I mean, some great men that I respect greatly and love to hear preach. Godly men. Just because you raise your child doesn’t mean that they will go there.

And understand something about Proverbs. These are not necessarily always promises. This is kind of a general thing. But I do believe this, that if you bring your child in the nurture, up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, if you train them in the way they should go spiritually, at some point, the majority will actually come back to the Lord or come back to where because they know where to go. See, part of our job is to discern them. Part of them is to let us see that.

I mean, it’s got to be, I heard a quote. I was, John and, and Buck and I were with a, with a men’s minister guy from Man in the Mirror this week. We’re having lunch and about trying to get a men’s ministry started in our church, in this church. And he made an interesting statistic. He said, do you realize that when the dad comes to church, 93% of the time, the family will follow. When mom comes to church without the dad, 17% of the time, the family follows. If the child comes by himself to church, 3% of the time, the family will follow. Dads, do you get about what’s important? That blew me away. That stat alone just blew me away. That’s how important dads are.

So we’re to discern their passions, personality, potential, and that’s what it’s going to cost us. It’s going to cost us three things. It’s going to cost us our time, it’s going to cost us our talent, and the truth. Because it has to be real. It’s important. In fact, Patrick Morley, who wrote the book that we handed out, came up with these things. He said, these are seven things I learned from my dad. Number one, what it means to be a man. Dads, if we need to teach any, it’s what it means to be a man. How to treat young women, how to treat moms and women in the world. Basically, that’s number two, that I’m not only a man, but this is how I treat a woman. One thing that I did with April, and I wasn’t the perfect dad by no stretch, but I Remember when she turned 15, I took her to take her driver’s test, and then I was going to take her out on her birthday. If you notice, I like to do some magic things. David Copperfield was in town. I actually got seats on the second row, right in the center, right in front of the stage. I don’t know how I got them, but we got them. But my big thing was taking her out to dinner, just the two of us. Beth did her thing when she turned 16, but I did her when she turned 15. My thing was, this is how I want, when you start dating, and this is how I want a young man to treat you. Open the door for her, took her to a nice place to eat, order, just, and dads, we need to do that.

And I want to tell you, your kids are watching. Your young men are watching on how to treat a lady, and your daughters are watching how they ought to be treated, and you need to protect that. Third lesson he learned was a strong work ethic. We’re losing that. Nobody wants to work anymore. But when a dad takes care of his family, and he works hard, but there’s also time to work hard even at home. He said lesson four was common sense, just practical things. I’m telling you, kids don’t miss much, and sometimes what we think is little is a big deal. A value system. What’s important, and what should be at the top of the list? Does Matthew 6:33 make a difference, like I talked about last week? Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then everything is added.

Then the last thing, number six is integrity. Are you seen as a righteous man? Are you seen as a truthful man? It’s going to cost you that. Kids know when you lie. They’re not stupid. Spiritual heritage, and is God important? I’m telling you, sometimes you will do things that you won’t even remember, but your kids will remember. Let me give you one in my life, and I may have shared this last year, but maybe I didn’t. But I remember there was one time we had just moved from the north area to a little subdivision called Otranto. I don’t know if you know where that’s at. It’s out by CSU. 1969. They were still dirt roads in Otranto. We were like one of the first 30 homes in that place.

So we changed our address, and we were visiting other churches, and I’ll never forget one day two men came to our house from a church we had visited. And so I was, I’m like 12, 13, and I’ll never forget. I answered the door. And so I’m talking to these guys, and they’re on the porch, and then my stepdad comes by and said, now who’s at the door? And so I said, dad, these two gentlemen are. And so they were getting our names. Well, my name, my last name was Smith, and my stepdad is McDuffie. And so I’ll never forget one of the men said, oh, so he’s your stepson. I’ll never forget this, as long as I live. My, quote, stepfather put his arm around me and said these words to these two guys who didn’t know from Adam. No, no, no, he’s not my stepson. He’s my son.

Now, my dad didn’t remember doing that. I remember. I’ll never forget. I got to thank him from a pulpit one day when he was sitting right there. I’m telling you guys, you never know what is remembered that you do, what your kids see you do, how they’re watching. They don’t miss much. And when those little moments become big moments in their life, those little moments become moments that all of a sudden shape their life and the direction their life goes. It gives them a plan and a place to go.

But it’s going to cost you. It’s going to cost you your time. It’s going to cost you your talent. It’s going to cost you putting some things off to the side that you might want to do because you can be with them because they’re not going to always be around. In truth, you know, it’s interesting that back in Proverbs, I mean in Psalms, we read three and four about being gifts from God, fruit of the womb, arrows in the hand of the warrior. Look at the two verses that are right in front of that. Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors. For He who gives His beloved even in His sleep, He gives to His beloved even in His sleep. God’s always given. God’s given us the kids. He’s given us all those things. He’s the one in charge. He’s the one directing our life. And when the parent, and all of a sudden, I want to tell you, they’re going to think about their heavenly father just like they think about their earthly father.

Close with this. Back in, I think, probably the 1980s or 90s, a guy by the name of Al Denson wrote a song called “Take Me to the Cross.” I don’t know if I played it last year or not, but I want to play it for you right now. I remember the first time I heard it, it just grabbed my heart. Morgan, would you throw that up there?

Daddy is a little girl. Three years old. Sister’s house. Bounce, raise, is her little boy. Far away, she hears her son sing. See, Dad, mess this up. Too important? Way too important.

There’s no guarantees. All your kids are going to, but we’re to try and train them up in the way they should go. No guarantees. We don’t lead them to Christ. Lord does that. We don’t make them accept Him. Lord works in their hearts with the Holy Spirit. They’ve got to be introduced some way. But I can tell you this, you can mess it up enough, they don’t have a chance. We get this right. We understand that they’re getting a gift, a reward, arrows to be directed, train them up in the way they should go. There’s a good chance when they’re old, they will not depart from us.

So as I look, especially the dads this morning and the granddads this morning, I’m going to ask you to commit this morning. I don’t know where you’re at in the pew. I’m going to have Donnie come down and maybe sing or let the ladies play, but maybe it’s moms and grandmamas and just adults that have kids in your life. She’ll just pray, God, use me. Make me what I need to be. Give me Your grace and Your wisdom to make smart choices so that they can see those things. And I’ll say the right things in the right way at the right time for all the right reasons. Not enough in this junky world out there. They’re just messing everything up with the home and life and everything else. They don’t find it here. They don’t find it in the home. Folks, I want to tell you, it doesn’t start with the White House and it doesn’t start in the courthouse and the state house. It starts in your house and my house.

I want you to bow your heads. I want you to close your eyes. Donnie, if you’ll come down. Ladies, you’ll just play or Donnie, if you’ll maybe sing. Donnie,